Life usually doesn’t fit into nice neat little lists, but that doesn’t keep me from trying. Welcome to my Tuesday 10, where I try to fit the messiness of life into a list of ten.
Preface: People I love, admire, and respect frequently say things from this list. This is me poking fun at my colleagues, friends, and mentors. It’s meant to be in good fun. So, if you’re an oversensitive type person quickly close your eyes and turn off your computer before you get your feelings hurt.
1. “If I was going to title this message I would title it, ________.”
You just titled it. Skip the whole first part of that.
2. “Pray with me.”
We are. You’re the one with the microphone and a dozen floor monitors pointed in your direction.
3. “I’m preaching better than you’re shouting.”
If you have to say this, then you are not, or you just don’t know your audience very well.
4. “Can I get a witness?”
Yes, we all just saw or heard you say that. What about it?
5. “Under the spout where the glory comes out.”
There simply has to be a better way to say this that doesn’t involve or imply strange claustrophobic plumbing imagery.
6. “God showed up and showed out.”
No, no he didn’t. God is not an infant.
7. “I don’t know why people will shout more at a football game, than at church.”
Probably has something to do with that whole being reverent thing.
8. “Fire insurance.”
What kind of deductible does that come with?
9. “Take on hell with a water pistol.”
What about that whole our weapons are not carnal weapons thing?
10. “In closing…”
If you have to reassure us that you’re almost finished by making this statement then you took too long to get there. I do this all the time, but pretend like I don’t know that I did by not making this statement.